a break-up and a blessing

We broke up. Yes, we did.

I decided to write this down not knowing where to start. It seemed that everything was just falling into ugly pieces, and they start to scatter miserably refusing to be gathered altogether.

After we broke up, what I truly felt was relief. Relieved that it was finally over. Relieved that, oh, breaking up wasn’t bad after all. Lighter, easier, better.

Weeks passed. Then I started to wonder. I started wondering if you were still thinking about me. Something happened. Something big. And I realized, how am I supposed to unload this without you? You were the first person I wanted to be with and it dawned on me – you really were gone.

So you see, I was terribly weak when we first met. You have seen my soul, and you know every little part of my heart. I shared everything to you. From the littlest things to the farthest corners of my mind, there’s nothing you haven’t seen. You WERE my person. And that was all it was – a “were”.

What if? What if we didn’t let go? I started begging God to bring us back together. Four years should not be put to waste. But I knew, I knew deep in my heart, even if we didn’t break up now, it would happen eventually. We were already pressed, damaged, and tooo broken.

How. How did it happen. We were planning our future together. You were the one I was supposed to marry. I saw myself spending the rest of my life with you. We were inseparable. I thought we wouldn’t give up. I thought you wouldn’t give me up.

And there was nothing I could do. It was over. And though we might not have the chance to do it better anymore, though we couldn’t make our promises true after everything, though we might not see each other ever again – I would be forever grateful. To you. To the memories, they were all wonderful. I wouldn’t say that I regret the day I met you. Because you gave me the chance to love.

I would still call you a blessing.